I've decided to do an Average Boy segment for at least once a week for awhile. So, here's number one!
Bob Smiley as told to Bob Smiley
My alarm clock hadn’t gone off more than 2 seconds before
loud whooping filled our house. A big shadow cartwheeled into my
up, Bob!” Dad said. “Today is the day that the Lord has made . .
. for your mom and me!”
know, Dad,” I said. “It’s the first day of school. You
obviously care a lot about my education.”
I was excited about school . .
. evidenced by the fact that it took me only 30 minutes to climb out
of bed. We’re getting a new teacher this year. Rumor has it the old
teacher retired after seeing her list of students. I figured she knew
how smart we are and decided she wouldn’t know what to teach us. My
dad had another theory.
An hour later, I jumped on the
school bus, shouting, “How’s everyone doing? Did you miss me?”
I heard an “Aughhhh!” as a
leg shot out, covering the empty seat beside its pretty owner. I felt
bad for the girl whose leg cramps keep me from sitting next to her
I faked a big yawn to flex my
new muscles as I covered my mouth.
Cindy said. “Look at your arm!”
know. I spent the entire summer lifting weights!”
I meant I’d never seen one freckle cover an entire bicep before.”
Cindy loved to joke with me.
As I entered the hallowed halls
of junior high, I was hit with a familiar smell.
Bob,” the janitor said as he rushed up. “I tried to get that
smell out of your locker, but skunk scent is terribly hard to get rid
problem, Mr. Gribble!” I said. “It helps me find my locker!”
(Remind me to tell you my skunk-at-school story.)
I paused and smiled before
entering my first class. I was starting a new school year and wanted
to show Jesus to my friends through my actions. What a great
opportunity! Plus, I was about to meet my new teacher, who didn’t
know anything about me. I’d have a completely fresh start!
must be Bob,” she said as I walked in.
Ma’am,” I said. “Could you tell by the intelligent look in my
your last teacher left some notes about you . . . more like a small
book, really. But I think she made up some of it. No kid would put a
skunk in his locker.”
that’d be really dumb,” I said, glad I’d brought a bottle of
cologne to splash on after every locker stop. Then I recognized the
symbol on my teacher’s necklace.
you a Christian?” I asked.
She fingered her necklace and grinned. “I was going to put a fish
symbol on the back of my car, but I didn’t want to change the way I
I couldn’t stop laughing.
“We’re going to get along really well!”
It was the perfect way to start
the year . . . right up until the bottle of cologne fell out and
shattered on the classroom floor.